Differerences

James is old enough to understand that he looks different right now. Last night he was brushing his teeth and I noticed him looking at himself in the mirror. His right neck is very swollen and he looks very disfigured on that side. His sweet chiselled jaw line is no longer there.
Today we went to the grocery store and I must admit I was concerned that people would notice his differences. I am most concerned that he will notice someone noticing. Nothing like that happened, it was business as usual.
When we got home we were unloading groceries and I was making dinner.
James: "Mom why do I have to have this big place on my neck"
Me: " The medicine they put in to heal the pocket makes it swell. There is an infection so your body will heal it up"
James: "what's an infection"
Me: "it means you have an illness in your neck"
James: " I wish I didn't have to have a place"
Mommy" "It's because you are a very special boy. When you were born your neck was swollen and I knew you were special the minute I saw you. Then it went away and it will go away again"
James(starting to cry): "But my smile is different when I have this"
Me: "your smile is always the same to me, James"

I am crying now, but I did not as I said it. I hope his smile can be the same to him again very soon!

The Dr. said the swelling should start to go down after 10-14 days. The fever, swelling, and pain are WNL but still so unpleasant to see him go through. Jim and I are praying every minute that this was truly the best choice!

Sad:(

I am beyond exhausted. This week has been very tiring, but last night put me over the edge. I did not sleep for even 5 minutes.
James has been in some pain, but mostly if the spot ws touched. Yesterday his neck got really swollen and it was very painful. He couldn't even give hugs without crying and when Daddy tried to kiss his neck, he cried for 5 minutes. It is heartbreaking!
Last night his neck swelled up more and is about the size of a baseball. He cried all night long even on tylenol and then motrin. They are calling in Tylenol with codeine. He cannot get calm enough to fall asleep so I know it really hurts.
I feel so sad. He was perfectly healthy and his mass was hard to see for most people. I am questioning my decision to do this and also really reliving the emotions I had when he was so difigured as a baby.

Life as we know it

The surgery went great. Tiny little incisions so just the surgitape.
James did great but had a little scare in recovery while stil under. His airway was compromised and they had to prop rolled blankets under him to get his position right. After that he did really well. Swelling and tenderness as expected, but no fever yet. We were at Children's in Houston and they were fantastic! They kept us overnight for observation to make sure the swelling wasn't going to cause more breathing issues, but were able to get out Wednesday and just got back home Wed night. The Dr. said day 3 is usually the worst.We go back in 2 weeks for folllow up, blood work, and another EKG then 4 weeks later for the next procedure.
Things are pretty much back to normal, today(day 3). James has tenderness but can play and eat and sleep as usual. The hospital was great but still pretty scary for him. He was so sad that he could not go home and a little groggy from anesthesia so extra emotional. He just kept saying "I want to go back to the hotel" and tearing up.

Recent happenings

My Mom has been doing so much better after her septic infection and recent hospital stay. She had her surgery to reverse the iliostomy and is making a remarkable recovery. She only had to stay in the hospital 2 nights and is feeling great! This is wonderful news and remarkable considering all she has been through since Dec and almost losing her!

James procedure is scheduled for Tues at 7:30 am in Houston. We are going to leave early Monday and drive to Galveston for some fun and then head back to Houston to spend the night and be ready for our early morning arrival at Texas Children's. We will stay at least one night and if all is going as planned will drive back home on Wednesday.

I feel confident about our decision, but bad for James as he is really nervous. (and of course nervous about the what-ifs as every parent must feel before an anesthetized procedure). I am hoping that we are going to be one of the few who only have one procdure and then the mass shrinks away to undetectable size!

He is most worried about blood draws as his experience at the lab was horrible! I hope we can schedule future draws at Children's on our follow up visits as he was very traumatized by watching another child scream and then knowing the tech was coming for him and being forcibly held down while. Children's really does such a better job of diverting and quickly doing what is needed in as stressfree a manner as possible!

Meatballs

The boys(tinies) really like helping me cook. They do a pretty good job and we've been making meatballs lately. They help me mix the ingrediants(I've created a yummy recipe) and they form the balls. I cook them and then we all eat them. (This is a Jim approved meal so it will be on the rotation frequently as it is also easy and faily healthy as I use lean ground beaf.)
Last week we made them and I served them. Gavin gobbled his up and seemed qyuite pleased with them. James didn't take a single bite.

Mommy: "James I would like you to eat your meatballs so you're full."
James: "I really want to eat my meat balls but I can't."
Mommy: "Why not?"(sometimes there are cute answers to these questions, but I was unprepaired for this one:) )
James: "Well, my tummy really wants to, but my mouth doesn't and my mouth wins because it eats the food."

Hard to argue with that one:)

James' Appointment

The procedure is scheduled. We will drive to Houston on May 11 and spend the day entertaining James. On Tues at 7am we will check in to Children's Hospital for James procedure. Dr. Edmonds will sclerose the lymphatic malformation with OK 432 while James is sedated guided by ultrasound.
We know we will spend Tuesday night in the hospital, but hope all goes well and we are released on Wednesday.I'm hoping James has very minimal pain from the procedure. He has been getting labwork done and is very leery of needles now. :(

The wish to fly

I can remember when I was about 3 or 4, riding a Spring Bouncing Pony(this probably dates me). At some point I launched myself over the top and felt like I was flying. It was wonderful!

For the past year or so James has been trying to fly. He has tried jumping off of the couch arm and flapping his arms, diving through the air on our bed and various other techniques.
This morning we were in the kitchen. I was asking them what they wanted for breakfast(they chose cereal), and as I poured the cereal James took the Apron off the refrigerator door.(Erika gave the Apron to me at Christmas and I have a thing for it:))
James tied it around his neck like a cape and climbed up onto the chair. He jumped off. After he jumped he looked at me with and accepting but dissappointed look.

James: "Well I guess I'll never fly"

Me: "You've been trying to fly for a while, haven't you?"

James(with the cute smirky~but innocent~, "duh Mom" look): "But I don't have feathers"

Me: "No you don't. But you could fly in an airplane"

James: "Or when I'm bigger I can jump out of a plane with a parachute"

Me: "...or you could use a hangglider and fly"

Oh, James...what a fun idea you've had. I'm kinda sad to see you accept the inability of humans to fly:( Good problem solving, though:)