Sometimes...

Somtimes a moment touches you and the wishes come flooding back. I was laying in bed this morning thinking of Mom. It's only when I let the wishes and wants saturate my mind that I cry now. I think of her often and mostly it is for a moment and then I move on. It feels good to think of her and not miss her so much it hurts, but today the wishes overtook. It hurts.
I wish she was still here to see the boys, my garden, my home repainted and porch restained. I wish she was here to see my closet. She loved shopping and I have done quite a bit lately at ESCADA. She would have loved it. I would have loved it with her.
What brings on the wishes and wants...hard to tell. Mostly I think of her and smile, just wistfull of the fun and time we had together. Sometimes I miss her for selfish reasons, all the help she offered with my boys, the long talks when I needed her.
Today I thought of her and those last hours. I wished I would have brought her home and let her be here for her last moments. I think of her trying to get out of bed the hour before she died. She wanted to get out of that room. I wish I would have made that happen!

I thought of my brother, Forest Fagan, sitting beside her playing this song. So beautiful!

Understanding the absurdities

I am loving this summer. We just finished another fun family(sadly missing Andrew)trip to Mustang Island. My Aunt Gail and cousin Hypatia joined us for 5 days of sun, sand, dolphins, turtles, crabs, and a couple man of wars thrown in to stir things up. The boys swam for hours int he pool, played in the sand and even did a little skim boarding.
I also love that James is at the age of understanding absurdities in life and that he see's(and often makes me see) the humor as well. Case in point, Gavin often wants as little food as possible to get him to desert. I am not sure how this started, but nearly every meal begins with him asking "how many bites do I have to eat?" and me saying, "Just eat as much as your tummy can hold" or "Eat until you feel full".
Gavin: Can I have a dmstick?
Mommy: No, we need to eat dinner.(but honestly today was one of those days I thought about just letting him eat the ice cream)
Gavin: What can I have?
Mommy: I don't know what we are having. What about this piece of pizza(pulling out a small leftover piece of pizza)?
Gavin: Okay
He ets the pizza and get a drumstick. James walks in.
Gavin to James: I already had dinner
James(confused): What did you have?
Gavin: A piece of pizza
James(half smiling with his "what is wrong with this crazy house" look): What the heck?(shrugging) I had 3/4 of a pizza.
Mommy: Well then I guess you won't be hungry.
James: I'm not a bit hungry.
Mommy: Well you know Gavins goal is to eat as little real food as possible. You can have a desert, too.

It made me giggle!

This year

2011 flew by...feels like I hardly caught my breath it was so quick. The boys are doing great in school, we hired a new Nanny who is FABULOUS, Andrew and Mickel are both in Austin and Andrew started school(still fingers crossed for Mikel to go back) and I changed jobs. 

In 2 days it will be 2 years since Mom died. It is still so hard to believe and I miss her every day. Every day has gotten brighter and I can officially say 2011 I came out of mourning! We are going to DeLeon this weekend to see my parents and have a special moment for her!

This year we are doing alot of home projects. It is like a tiny bit of torture each time, but the end result is good:)