Sunday, May 28, 2006

So much to clean

My house is overflowing with toys, clutter, and piles of laundry. I can't seem to put Gavin down long enough to clean.
I was trying to change clothes last night~sans baby~for the third night in a row. Crazy to think I will be able to get undressed without a baby in my arms. He certainly doesn't believe in it. Crying and reaching arms are immediate when I put him down. I try to rip off my clothes as quickly as possible, but not a second is acceptable to him.
Gavin is 11 months old and very needy right now. I am also very aware that this is the last baby I will have. He needs me and so I have a dirty house and piles of laundry...but only for a few more years. I think it's a fair trade to be needed:) If only I can keep from looking at the mess~lol!

This photo is by Alyson Camacho. I think it is the most amazing picture of Gavin and I. It shows our connection in a way I could only feel~it moved me to tears.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Well intended...

So I was working with a customer at my store and she told me she just found out she's having a boy and there are no cute clothes for boys. I said, "Girls clothes are cuter, I have 4 boys."
Awwe...sorrow in her tone. Why is it that people feel sorry for me. I am so tired of it. I get those kind of well meaning sighs, comments, looks ALL the time!
I am okay~absolutely okay. Any feelings of loss that I had or may have are only going to be exacerbated by those types of comments. We are a girl happy country. Get over it!

I'm fine!

I guess I am now defined by being a Mom of four boys. It seems as unlikely to me as you reading this...but apparently is very possible.
I did have some sadness when I found out each of my last 3 were boys~but not about them being boys. It's really much deeper. It's the loss of what will not be...
I will miss frilly dresses and prom's and weddings. I will not watch a daughters belly grow with a baby that's part of me. I will miss things I have dreamed of with a daughter.
But, I'm fine! I have so much more. I have beautiful, healthy, fun and sweet boys. Boys are so sweet to their Mommies. I think there is a special "club" we Mom's of boys belong to.
I'll write about thoughts on being a Mom of boys, memories of things that struck me when I was pregnant with these boys, and things I think those who don't have boys should know. I hope this will find some interest, but mostly I hope to get some things out of my head and onto "paper"