Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Christmastime again

Having kids keeps you in the moment. For me Christmas is so busy and the last two have been consumed with my Mom's impending death, so I would like to buzz by and get to February. But, kids keep you present and focussed on the season.

The boys had a Christmas Shop at their school. they were both very excited and we gave a couple dollars to spend.

When I got home James was very excited. He ran to me with a gift in hand, a tiny ring with a purple stone. He exclaimed " I got this for you, Mommy." I of course ut it on.

Daddy said " And look what I got" It was a pen that said "BEST GRANDPA"

I laughed histerically, Jim did not. He's a party pooper!

We went for a drive around our neighborhood the next night. The boys love Christmas lights.

There is a neighbor a couple streets over who is always very festive. He had The nativity scene with the usual characters in the yard, but a Santa atood behind the manger. On the porch was a Mickey Mouse and other charachters.
Gavin exclaimed " Look Mommy, it's God and Mickey Mouse". Somehow even with my beliefs of acceptance of others beliefs, this just didn't seem to make sense. But to Gav it was perfect:)

And on this day last year:
It was one of the saddest days in a Dr's office ever. I thought the day they went over my belly for 20 minutes looking trying to determine if my baby would be ok was to be, but this topped it by far:( My sweet Mom tried so hard to make it ok, but it ended up so wrong.

Saturday, December 04, 2010

A new dream

Sometimes I think I should rename this blog "Missing Mom" because for the last year it seems it all I write about, but then it is Mom who created this person who used to write about funny day to day things my children do and say and the worries, concerns, thoughts and joys that go along with being " a boys mom x 4". So I guess it fits even this year:)

James turned 7 on 11/26. He has lost another tooth, making him a "gummy boy" as his Daddy called him today. He has 4 teeth missing and looks very cute.

I had a new dream last night of Mom. We went for a walk down to the ocean. I remember wanting to say "I really wish you wouldn't die" but did not. We talked as we walked and I said "this is a long way." I can't remember what she said, but I remember thinking in the dream how hard it would be for her to walk back and then realizing she wouldn't need to walk back. Somehow walking to the ocean was all there was. I did not wake up crying and I did not cry in the dream. It seemed calmer.

I miss her terribly. She was always at the boys birthday parties. She has now missed two.Last year she rode the train up for James party at Chuck E Cheese and she was so sick. Simon picked her up and brought her. She just sat there and Tom sat and talked to her. She was so appreciative of that and commented how kind he always is. She gave James his first money and he was so excited to get real money.

This year Granny and Grandpa gave him money in his card. I was happy they did because Mom would have if she had been here.