Friday, November 19, 2010

Apparently Jammie combo's have become a new method of power

Gavin came out with a Superman shirt and Spongebob pants.

I have Spongebob and Superman so they can't be killed
But Gavin this is real life so they can.
No, Spongebob is a sponge
How bout you can't be killed, James.

Mommy, do you think we should practice the spelling test?

Last night I met a couple girlfriends for a couple hours~skinny margarita's and conversation. I got home just before 10 pm. James was laying quietly in bed, but when I walked into the room he popped his head up. He had been waiting patiently.
James: Mommy do you think we sould practice the spelling test?
I had forgotten to do it before I left. We barely squeezed in homework after soccer practice, dinner and bathtime. Daddy had started a movie with the boys while they finished dinner, and I completely forgot about the test:(
Me: Oh yes, James. Jump up and we'll do it quickly.
James jumped up and true to form aced his practice test with Mommy. He loves tests!
He had me grade it:) E~for Excellent in every way sweet boy!

Friday, November 12, 2010


Gavin said she would come to me in my DREAMS.

In the last weeks I have had some amazing dreams. I've not been into analysis(my Mom was always into that), but I feel sure these are meaningful, maybe even connections. If this goes against your belief system and you are reading, know that I respect that. It may not even be part of mine...who knows. It is comforting to believe my Mother is connecting, so I'll go with that for now.

I had this dream right after she died:
First dream of Mom

I have dreamed of her several times but I have had very little memory. The recurrent theme is at the end of the dream I say over and over "Please don't die, Mom" and wake up crying. There are three recent vivid dreams. These started at the anniversary of her last diagnosis last year.

Dream 1. I am dreaming of dreaming and saying please don't die and crying. I wake up from the "dream" crying and then wake up.

Dream 2. The phone is ringing and I pick it up. I say "Hello". Mom says " Amy", the operator comes on and starts telling me what I have to do to accept the call. I try but am unable to get it done and I wake up.

Dream 3. We are together for a long time in this dream at a lovely tree filled facility of some sort. There are tennis courts and a large group of us. We took a walk together as a group and then paired into teams, I was left out of the tennis teams because there were 5 of us.
I went and sat down with Mom who was talking to Martha about their lives and times together. There were alot of my Mothers pictures and two women were looking through them, I felt like I needed to explain something to them. They seemed somewhat judgemental.
We went for another walk, they went into a room and I followed. There was a large bath. Simon was running the water and standing in it. I asked Mom "Do you want to take another bath"? She said "Yes"
I think we were all in the water at this point.
Mom and I went back outside, I touched her face and said "I don't want you to die"
Mom said "Do you want me to live a life immortal? I'm going to die tonight  alert and active and you're going to help me."
I say over and over "I don't want you to die, Mom". I wake up crying.
It was about 4 am, but I've lost too many dreams so I got up and wrote it down with a sharpie in the dark.
Gavin saw it yesterday and asked why I wrote on his pumpkin.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Hey, Noni gave us those

Gavin and James spent the night at Aunt Erika's on Saturday. Their toothbrushes are still packed in the bags sitting in my car. James has an extra in his bath, but Gavin's was in my bathroom and it is in a cover given to them by my Mom when she was not sick. One of the summers they stayed with her and went to VBS, before her last year when she was too weak to have them.
I took the toothbrush into the boys bathroom and James saw it in the cover.
He looked excited and said "Hey, Noni gave us those"
I smiled. It is such a joy to hear him say these things. One of my biggest regrets is that they won't get to grow up with Noni. I'm so happy they have these memories and hope they last a lifetime.

Monday, November 01, 2010

Halloween 2010

James was a knight and Gavin a pirate.
We went to trick or treat on Bryan Street and then wound our way back to the Phantom House( a phantom appears on the hour to play a pipe organ atop the Browns roof). It is complete with spooky fire. The boys have loved it since they were babies and thier big borthers before them.
We stopped along the way for a visit with a couple friends.
It was a lovely little Halloween!