Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Two weeks tonight

At 2:08 am it will be two whole weeks.
There were so many moments I thought that death might be easier on you and on us in a way. I take that back now! Selfishly I wish you were still lying in a bed with your phone on your chest and I could call you. You would answer no matter what time and I could talk to you about sadness, frutrations, stories about the boys, worries about life, etc. I called you at least 4 times a week in the last years and every day as your illness took you to the end. Sometimes with not much to say, but "I'm sorry you're feeling so sick". Your voice was there and in times of crisis you became you again, even if for just a minute. I saved that message you left the day after my accident. It is nice to hear your voice. You were so sick...but here.
I know, through others voices, that I will be okay. I hear that I will not feel so empty forever. I am sad about that in a way because I want you to be with me and the constant memories(though painful) keep you closer.
I miss you, Mom.
My brother sang his song to her as she passed and at her funeral.
Forest Fagan~Blue Hillside

1 comment:

Melissa said...

*hugs* You're right, sweetie. You won't always feel so empty. But I know it sucks that you do right now.