A new dream

Sometimes I think I should rename this blog "Missing Mom" because for the last year it seems it all I write about, but then it is Mom who created this person who used to write about funny day to day things my children do and say and the worries, concerns, thoughts and joys that go along with being " a boys mom x 4". So I guess it fits even this year:)

James turned 7 on 11/26. He has lost another tooth, making him a "gummy boy" as his Daddy called him today. He has 4 teeth missing and looks very cute.

I had a new dream last night of Mom. We went for a walk down to the ocean. I remember wanting to say "I really wish you wouldn't die" but did not. We talked as we walked and I said "this is a long way." I can't remember what she said, but I remember thinking in the dream how hard it would be for her to walk back and then realizing she wouldn't need to walk back. Somehow walking to the ocean was all there was. I did not wake up crying and I did not cry in the dream. It seemed calmer.

I miss her terribly. She was always at the boys birthday parties. She has now missed two.Last year she rode the train up for James party at Chuck E Cheese and she was so sick. Simon picked her up and brought her. She just sat there and Tom sat and talked to her. She was so appreciative of that and commented how kind he always is. She gave James his first money and he was so excited to get real money.

This year Granny and Grandpa gave him money in his card. I was happy they did because Mom would have if she had been here.