Sometimes...

Somtimes a moment touches you and the wishes come flooding back. I was laying in bed this morning thinking of Mom. It's only when I let the wishes and wants saturate my mind that I cry now. I think of her often and mostly it is for a moment and then I move on. It feels good to think of her and not miss her so much it hurts, but today the wishes overtook. It hurts.
I wish she was still here to see the boys, my garden, my home repainted and porch restained. I wish she was here to see my closet. She loved shopping and I have done quite a bit lately at ESCADA. She would have loved it. I would have loved it with her.
What brings on the wishes and wants...hard to tell. Mostly I think of her and smile, just wistfull of the fun and time we had together. Sometimes I miss her for selfish reasons, all the help she offered with my boys, the long talks when I needed her.
Today I thought of her and those last hours. I wished I would have brought her home and let her be here for her last moments. I think of her trying to get out of bed the hour before she died. She wanted to get out of that room. I wish I would have made that happen!

I thought of my brother, Forest Fagan, sitting beside her playing this song. So beautiful!