It's the little things..

that seem overwhelming sometimes.
This has been a tough month. Two weeks ago my Mom came up for a hernia repair. Most of you who have read my blog will remember that she has been battling ovarian cancer for 5 years. Last year she seemed at deaths door but through a series of miracles, made a remarkable recovery. On Sept. 22nd she was given great news~no signs of cancer. There was a node that they would monitor closely.
I am off on Thursdays so planned to drop James off at Kinder and head up to the hospital around 7:30. When I got there the Surgeon was out and told us that he had seen "visible disease" aka as cancer, and it would not be wise to continue the surgery. He had called her oncologist. Chemo was started and my Mother is experiencing the debilitaing symptoms of a blockage again. She is overwhelmed and so are we.
This is my Mother, the person who grew me and raised me. Every emotion I have in my whole memory is in some way entangled with her. This is hard is an understament...but the world does not stop so I try to fit everything in and carry on.
I wish there was a handbook for those who know someone going through this with a close family member bc there are many who could benefit from it. My world is no longer my own! I do not want to be emotional, or talk too much about this, or make anyone uncomfortable...things just spill out from time to time. Every day is consumed with fear, emotional turmoil, exhaustion, dread, and embarrasment that I cannot be the person I usually am! I spend hours just trying to be "normal" only to find myself feeling anything but!
I hope that everything turns around, but I really do not know. There is no answer and for a planner that in itself is unbearable.
Be well, Mom. I love you and am praying that you can find some comfort!