It is always on the anniversaries that I miss Mom the most. This morning at 2:08am it was 5 months since I said goodbye. It was really 5 months yesterday that I should remember because that was my last full day with Mom.
We went to my family reunion on my Grandmothers side(my fathers Mother). The Allison Reunion. Lately seeing people I know may leave soon is painful. I tear up as I say goodbye and have to stop myself because it will likely seem strange to others. My fathers parents are still in fairly good health for mid 90's but time does creep up on even the healthiest. I feel sad that I don't see them more and sad when I do see them(because I am just not good at letting people die).
We went to Mom's grave and planted some lavendar. Dad and Susie(really my second Mom almost all my life) went with me. Susie bought the lavendar to plant there. They both go by and take care of Mom. I've noticed how available my Dad is to me. These things also make me feel sad but in a loved way.
Gavin went with us. He told Dad, "your stepping on Noni" and pointing out again that she wanted some water.Dad explained that she really can't feel us where she is now. I wish she could:(
On our way home we got some terrible news, Jim's Grandfather John suffered a stroke and heart attack. Today we went up to the hospital and watched a monitor as I had 5 months ago. John looked so good, not at all pale like my Mom had. I watched the blood pressure falling and felt so much loss and sadness for his immediate family. It is just unbearable to say goodbye!
I wish them a much softer transition than I have had through grief. Grief is such an intimate and personal time but love surrounding you is so powerful. Much love to those entering into this process.