James is old enough to understand that he looks different right now. Last night he was brushing his teeth and I noticed him looking at himself in the mirror. His right neck is very swollen and he looks very disfigured on that side. His sweet chiselled jaw line is no longer there.
Today we went to the grocery store and I must admit I was concerned that people would notice his differences. I am most concerned that he will notice someone noticing. Nothing like that happened, it was business as usual.
When we got home we were unloading groceries and I was making dinner.
James: "Mom why do I have to have this big place on my neck"
Me: " The medicine they put in to heal the pocket makes it swell. There is an infection so your body will heal it up"
James: "what's an infection"
Me: "it means you have an illness in your neck"
James: " I wish I didn't have to have a place"
Mommy" "It's because you are a very special boy. When you were born your neck was swollen and I knew you were special the minute I saw you. Then it went away and it will go away again"
James(starting to cry): "But my smile is different when I have this"
Me: "your smile is always the same to me, James"
I am crying now, but I did not as I said it. I hope his smile can be the same to him again very soon!
The Dr. said the swelling should start to go down after 10-14 days. The fever, swelling, and pain are WNL but still so unpleasant to see him go through. Jim and I are praying every minute that this was truly the best choice!