Friday, March 05, 2010

I wish

Yesterday was a beautiful day for a Memorial in Austin. It was a also a lovely day to celebrate your birthday, Mom. I wish so many things, but most of all I wish you would have been with us.
I wish we could talk on the phone and I could say barely anything, but you would answer or laugh because you know all of it. I don't have to tell the backstory to are my backstory.
I wish I could see you standing watering the plants we cut from yesterday. We shared your rose bush in hopes it will sprout and bring joy to all your friends and loved ones who came to wish you well in the eternal life.
I wish we had done something that last year, something really great and fun! I wanted to go back to England with you, but it seemed you were going to make it through the cancer forever. I am so glad you didn't die last year, but now feel a loss that I didn't capture that time in a better way.
I wish that you could see my babies grow up. I don't know what I will do at Gavin's or James next party without you there to make the goody bags or the sandwiches. I was always down to the wire and you pulled me through.
You were always there. Always for me.

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